Chapter 5 We are Dead to the World
Chapter 5 We are Dead to the World
What time seemed to have passed since Alex had last seen Carmen did not seem to matter. She was manipulating him into coming back to her, as if Alex had ever volunteered himself. He felt the sting deep inside as he realized that he was lying to himself now. He had never fought her off, once she had broken through all his defenses and trampled on him until threw was nothing left. Alex had used the physical pleasure to forget about the pain inside. “You know, there is nobody left standing,” Alex said and as the words rolled over his lips and he heard them back in the echo of the emptiness that surrounded them, he knew they were true. She merely shrugged, “I found you, why would I not find others as well,” and seemed to leave it at that. Alex wondered about her, where she had been since their ways parted. And then he wondered why he cared in the first place, what did it matter? She had tortured him, broken him and smiled at him as she did, why did he not walk away from her now? Her hand stroked his face, “I heard you became a daddy,” she said in a barely audible voice. He nodded absently, Fawne was his daughter, a beautiful young woman who had followed in her parents’ footsteps and paid the price for it. “She is no more,” he said and was suddenly shocked by how little emotion he voiced with that. Carmen nodded, “yes, I know,” and he did not dare ask why she knew. “You should never have allowed her to become a Warder, much less bond a Green Aes Sedai,” Carmen said and waved her hand in the air in a gesture that suggested she knew exactly what that meant. “She was used as bait by the witch who controlled her,” this sparked up rage inside of Alex. Whatever had happened between Fawne and her bondmate was between them, his daughter had died protecting the Green Sister, the Aes Sedai whom she had bonded willingly. “It was not a question of bait, she did her job, she was well trained,” Carmen shook her head, “No she was not, I remember her Promotion quite well, I was there you see, she was so young,” she said as his face turned ash gray.
“The dark side has always lingered in the Tower and among the darkfriends who protect our Sisters there,” Alex shrugged. He did not care about the Tower anymore, had long gotten over that since returning to Tar Valon. “The Tower is no more, what does it matter now,” he said and felt the sting of those words pierce through him. “Oh it matters my pet,” she said and smiled lusciously at him. “It means that we have won in the end, maybe the Great Lord is not here to see his victory or to celebrate with us, but we have won,” Alex stared at her. “He is gone? He died?” Carmen sighed and ran a finger over his cheek again, the long fingernail leaving a trace over his skin. “You know so little and yet you pretend to know so much and to be so much my pet, I can appreciate that, but do not drive it to the point where your ignorance is your knowledge,” he did not understand her but he nodded all the same. “You don’t know enough to say anything my pet, the Great Lord can’t die and he is definitely not defeated, he has retreated to let us do his work for him,” she smiled warmly at him. “We have won and the world will soon know our power for what it is.” Alex nodded, “Then kill me now, for I do not wish to see a world where Darkness rules,” Carmen stroked her finger over his neck now, tracing a pattern in his skin where she could seemingly behead him, “No, I shall not my pet, I need someone to keep me company while I wait for my Lord to come to me and tell me what he wants me to do, he has promised me that,” and she leaned in and kissed him on the lips. His lips became warm, somehow he did not want her to let go and as her lips were pressed on his own, he waited and enjoyed the sensation and warmth. He felt alive. She pulled away and then took a step back, “As I remember it,” and then turned on her heel. “Are you coming?” she asked and he nodded, why not.
They walked for quite some time before she stopped and said, “I can get us there faster,” and he looked at her suddenly. Did she have a goal, somewhere to take him to? “Where do you want to go?” He asked and she said, “I want you to be able to say goodbye to her,” Alex swallowed, not sure that he wanted to know, but against better judgment he asked, “Say goodbye to whom?” and she smiled and stroked some hair from her face, she looked innocent almost, almost for her knew who she really was. “Come with me,” and so he did. She made a ripple in the air, and then showed Alex something that seemed to appear on the other side. It looked like the same plains that they were standing on, but he could see other elements in the scenery. “Step through, I will follow you,” she said while giving him a soft nudge to pass through. Alex did, even though he was weary of what she was doing, he stepped through and looked around. It was as if he had taken a single step and a giant leap through space all in one. He could see the Dragonwall up ahead and even though the shapes on the horizon had changed. The dead bodies they had left behind were here as well scattered over the ground, though not as close up together and in such numbers as the field they had left behind. There were men and women lying dead, with blood gushes on their face, some of them eyes open and startled looks on their faces. “They are all dead, as is the person I want you to see,” her voice was slow and her tone low, unnatural to her. She usually used her voice to manipulate, to make you feel special and to let your lust take over your brain. Right now, she seemed more like a mother figure, somehow protecting him and this scared him more than anything else she could have done to him.
They walked around for a bit, Carmen’s eyes searching the grounds and Alex following her a few steps behind, wary of what she was looking for. And slightly more of what would happen when she found it. “Here we are I think, she was here when I left this place,” she said and then turned around. “I understand if you hate me for doing this, she was yours and you should be able to say a proper goodbye,” she stepped aside and Alex looked at her questioningly before looking passed her. “Just so you know, it was not me who killed her, I found her like this when she was already gone,” as if that mattered anything. “Matalina,” the name merely a word meant so much more than just a word. The woman was lying on her side, her hair covered her face and covered in blood her hands laid over her sword. “Matalina, why…” he said and stroked the hair from her face, then kissed the blue cold lips. He had not seen her in so long, not since she left Tar Valon for a second time. Fawne had only been a little girl then, crying at night about her mother leaving her. Asking Alexander never to leave her, asking him that he would stay with her at night so that she would not have to wake up and find him gone too. “Now I have lost you both,” he said and then the pain was too much. He felt tears burn in his eyes and let them flow over his dust covered cheeks. “Matalina, I love you,” she stared at him with a lifeless gaze. His hand moved over her face and he closed her eyelids. “She is here somewhere right?” Alex nodded in reply. “Yes, she came back to help her Sedai, the woman had lost her other two warders already.” He did not continue the rest of the story, maybe he could tell her but right now all he could do was cry. He had lost his daughter, their daughter and now his great love too. Alex buried his face in her hair and tried to smell her soft scent. It was gone, all that remained was the scent of death and he cried.
Sobbing violently he cried for a long time, not sure how long it had been when he felt Carmen’s hand on his shoulder. “Come on,” she simply stated and he pushed her off. “No, I’m not going anywhere with you, can’t you see there is nothing left for me to live for?” She sighed audibly and said, “Suit yourself, she is dead and you can’t bring her back,” then she turned away and left Alex alone. Alone with Matalina, he kissed her again and then looked up, his eyes searching for Carmen. “What are you offering?” he said in a low grunt. He could almost hear her smile, she turned around slowly and said, “We can start over, you and I,” Alex shook his head, “No, too much has happened and I have lost too much,” he did not add that it was in a way all her fault. It had started with the murder of Melissande, or maybe even before that when she had tried to take Matalina. She had even tried to kidnap Fawne, though Alex had only Matalina’s word to believe that and he had thought at odd times that maybe one of her personalities had tried to get rid of Fawne. Maybe one of them did not like the idea of a baby in her life and had made up the story of a kidnapping for Matalina to accept. He let go of her body and stroked some of the hairs from her face, before turning away from her. “Good bye my love,” and then followed after Carmen. “Where are we going?” he asked and she smiled, “To lay our heads to rest and fill our stomachs,” and with that she smiled and gestured for him to follow her. “You remember your time in Tar Valon, in the Sirens Call it was called?” He nodded.
