Dec. 6th, 2005 For Us All

For Us All

The last day of school, the last day we were all together as a group and the last day we could say that we were a group. I looked over at Anna and smiled at her, she had been my best friend these past five years and today we would both get our diploma and find out where we were to be stationed. It was the way the world worked, for five years you worked hard, specialized and trained until there was no more to learn. You made friends, you got into fights and you grew as a person. Because once you stepped out of the program, you were no longer the person you thought you could be. You were a number in the masses, one to help in the war, to help win for kingdom and country. I know that I should be happy that my day has come, my suit is ready and I like the deep red color it is tailored in very much. My mentor helped me pick it out, not that we have much of a choice. The girls have a choice of red, purple and white and the boys of deep blue, black and green. A silver card is printed on the chest, it holds my name, Rose Gawyn. Anna is smiling at me, she chose the white suit. I just knew she would, her long black curls and those light gray eyes look best on a white suit. The silver letters on her card spell her name, Anna Demaro, how beautiful she looks. We hugged and then she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend the night before. “He’s not leaving like we are, I will never see him again, why keep hope that I will see him again, when I know that after today all will change. I will probably forget about him,” her eyes were cast down on the floor. I knew she was lying, she’s my best friend in the whole world and I can tell when she’s lying. Yet, as her friend I also know that she does not want me to tell her that, so I nodded and told her that she’ll be alright. Anna smiled at me and commented on the pony tail I made of my dark blonde hair, “Why don’t you ever wear it down Rose,” she said and smiled “You have beautiful hair, show it,” I nod absently and tell her that I might change too. She grins and hugs me again, then says she has to go, she has a class to finish before the ceremony that afternoon. “I know you finished all weeks ago, but you know me,” she says, that warm smile making me feel warm inside. She is my best friend, I would not know what to do without her.

The Academy holds about 2000 students, of all ranks and ages, Anna and myself are in the last age group of those who get ready to leave. As I stroll down the corridor of the old main building I study the faces of those I will never see again after today. The Academy has been my home these past few years and I really do not want to leave. However, I can’t stay either. I can transfer back here in ten years, become a tutor or maybe even a teacher, but for now I have to go. I have to put my knowledge and talent to good use in the war against our enemy. We are drilled every morning on why we are here, this is not time to forget that. “Hey Rose, where are you off to?” a familiar voice, from behind me and as I turn I see his familiar face. A fluttering of butterflies erupts in my stomach as I lay eyes on him, Storm we like to call him. His real name is Steve, but I think Storm fits him better. He is like a storm that rages through my heart and I dare not admit that I will miss him more than anyone here. That I will miss him so much, I would even consider not leaving, if that were an option. “So, today is your last day,” he says, his eyes shift over my own and then he looks passed me. “Yes it is,” I reply, sullen because I know what he means to say. He won’t say it out loud as I won’t ask him. His hand reaches out for my face, he strokes my cheek and then pulls his hand back. “Storm!” a voice calls and a young girl with red freckles grins and waves at him. He smiles at her and says, “I’ll catch you later Ro,” and with that he’s gone. I try not to let it bother me too much and continue to walk. I have said goodbye to the friends I will leave behind, I might as well tell myself that this was my final goodbye for Storm too. A sigh washes over me as I look over the park that is used by so many students for training exercise, for reading or just lazing around in the grass. What will I miss most? I’m not sure but somehow my mind travels back to Storm and I blush as I think about the goodbye I would like to have with him.

The rest of the day goes evenly, I talk to a few more people, my tutor from the first year comes to congratulate me. When he hears in what division I am being placed I see his eyes shift, his light blue eyes turn a shade darker and then he is congratulating me again and wishing me good luck. I’m not sure what to make of this but as the day progresses, there is little time to think on that left. Storm is there when I receive my diploma, he smiles at me as I climb on the stage and thank the superior for my diploma. He gives a small speech and I vaguely hear the words, ‘outstanding student’ and ‘great talent for the scientific field’ but nothing really hits home. All I think about is how this is my last day on the Academy campus and that tomorrow morning I will have left all this behind me. A single tear finds it’s way into my eye but I squint it off. We can only see happy faces, grateful for the education they have received and willing to fight for the good cause, For Us All. It’s the school motto and it fits so well. We learn, we teach, we fight, all so the country can feel safe. So that our kingdom can go to sleep, knowing that we fight off the demons, knowing that we have studied hard to become the best of the best. For our children and for their children, I smile as my teacher comes up to me and congratulates me. She has taught me in the martial arts and the mind cleaning techniques that I am using now to keep a straight face. She can’t see me cry, or she will feel disappointed. It is after all an honor to graduate and to become part of the war that we all feel surrounds us. “Rose, I must talk to you, come to my office in an hour,” she tells me and I nod. “Of course,” I tell her and then she is gone. The hour is over before I know it, people have given me advice, have told me how proud they are and have kissed me on the cheeks as a way of goodbye. I smile, I talk and I take in all their compliments with fitting gratitude.

“Rose, good of you to come,” she says and holds my hand in her own. She looks worried somehow and then she turns away and I see two men, gray haired and stern looking, green uniforms with stars and the two blue stripes on their chest. Officials who have come to escort me out already? But I have not had my last day at the Academy, I have not said goodbye to Storm. Not really. The first of them greets me and asks me to take a seat. The second opens the conversation and tells me I am chosen to become an officer. “You will lead a troop of 500, of which 200 have graduated either today or in the last two months.” I swallow something down hard, I have never done anything outside of the Academy and already they want me to lead the troops? The hand me a manual and tell me to read it by morning, then they hand me a signet, with the golden imprint on it ‘For Us All’. I will be leading the troops, I will be an officer and I have to accept this mission or to forget that I ever set foot on the Academy ground. “Officer Gawyn,” the first man begins, “You will leave tomorrow night for the Southern Parts, area 345.” I nod, not really understanding what that means. I know that the worst fighting goes on in the East, so that’s a positive thing at least. “Yes sir,” I say and then they are off. My teacher is staring at me wide-eyed. “Good luck,” she says as I leave her office. This was strange, she seemed to have lost her composure somehow and I feel the pressure of those words press down hard on me. What is so terrible about being promoted to officer right away? I was a good student, or so I always thought.

The night progresses on in dinner with my fellow graduates and then a small party, I can’t stay too long as I promised to read the manual. Project Gaia it’s called and I wonder what that name means. I’ve never head of it and the book is quite big, over 600 pages with no illustrations. That night I turn on my bed light and pull a pillow under my back as I start to read about the start of the war that has been going on for over a good century now. About how a small group of terrorists had begun this war and how young men and women like myself started an Academy to train themselves and others like them, to fight these terrorists. All night is spent in reading as I take in page after page of valuable information. It’s written like propaganda, but I’m taking in every word of it, I want to know more as I turn over each page. By morning I finish the last page and put the book down on the table next to my bed, for a few hours I sleep only to wake from Anna’s voice calling me. She usually comes for me in the morning, we have breakfast together and then we would go of to our classes. That was then and this is now, I smile up at her and hand her the manual. “I was up all night reading this,” she looks it over and pushes it back into my hands. “Propaganda, rubbish and lies,” she says and then tells met to hurry up. She is no longer in uniform, but wears a pair of jeans and a black sweater. I pick my uniform from the chair but she tells me to wear my jeans instead. “It’s just breakfast,” she says and I nod in agreement. The book however, that can’t be rubbish and as I get dressed I wonder why my friend feels it is.

We talk about all sorts of things over breakfast and then Storm comes to join our table. Anna leaves and tells me she will come and help me pack later. I nod and then I wonder if I should tell Storm about the book, maybe he will think it’s rubbish too. And maybe he is just not ready yet, as he is not a graduate like me. His eyes fly over my jeans and he makes a joke about me wanting to wear those for the last time. I nod absently and then all of a sudden I feel his lips pressed on my own. The feeling lasts forever and I drown in his kiss, not paying any mind to the other students in the cafeteria nor to the voices calling and laughing at our public display of affection. “Don’t go,” he says as we both rise and I frown, “Why not?” and he shakes his head. “Leave while you can, don’t go,” and then he’s off. I stare after him, pale and shaking, just now he kissed me and then he tells me not to go and fulfill the mission I have trained for, these past five years? I don’t see Storm anymore, nor Anna which makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel so alone, me and my mission ahead of me. After lunch I spend a few hours going over the book again, when suddenly Storm and Anna appear in the doorway of my room. They both have a backpack in their hands and Anna immediately searches for mine. She throws the dark blue backpack at me and says, “Pack light, we’re leaving,” and then moves towards the door. The letters inscribed on the backpack remind me again of what my mission is, in silver imprinted on the front it says For Us All. I wonder why those words mean so much to me. “You are the officer of a platoon that is doomed to die, they are testing new weapons in the South area. It’s infected and you’ll die.” Anna stares at me, it is plain on her face that she expects me to believe her. Storm places a hand on my arm, “You have a choice,” he says and then squints as he stares at me. No smile this time, his face looks oddly serious and I try to smile up at him. “I’m not sure that I can,” is my only reply and I stare at my hands. I feel the skin growing cold and my hands are trembling lightly as I try to make sense of it all.

It was never a choice of course, I packed my bags and decided that it was not true what they were saying, a convincing argument but not the truth. In the end I knew the truth and I knew what choice to make. For Us All. Those words are true, those words we live by, but we have chosen our own path in how we interpret the words. “Rose, sweetie, come sit with me and Anna’s little one, she is off to the market and we can play with him all we like,” I smile at my husband. We got married a year after we left the campus. I have never felt regret for making that decision and leaving with them. Anna has not married, but she left the Academy for a slightly different reason than we did. One of the recruiters got her pregnant, he told her about the true nature of the program. He was the one to tell her to leave before she had to give up the baby and die in a war that was no longer fought on the ground. It was fought in the ministries, in the governments that rule this world. Far away from us this war continues, Gaia is merely a byproduct of that war, not the final say or the true history. I believed it, I trusted that my education was for the good of the nation and not for what I have come to believe over time, a tool of propaganda. I was to be an officer, to lead a troop of young men and women into a war that was not our own. Now I am a married woman, a refugee in a foreign land, my friends are still here and Steve is my husband. I was lucky, For Us All still applies, just not in the meaning our government would like to see us use it. We are outcasts, to be shot on sight if we ever return to our homeland. But we know that while we cannot change things for our generation, we can teach a new generation about the new view. For Us All.